Is it really THAT bad?

First of all, check out this hilarious graphic from The Onion -
Inside Obama's Emails

Now after you've had a good laugh, let me tell you what I'm thinking. I've been sleeping A LOT. Like, going to sleep at midnight and not getting out of bed until 10 am. I don't sleep through the night and I am interrupted at 6 am when the alarm goes off and Bernie gets up then again around 7:30 when he brings me a cup of coffee in a nice effort to get me up.

The coffee sits and when I do finally get up, I need to make a new pot. The other day I couldn't sleep, I was tossing and turning until around 3am. Now, the next morning I was up like a shot at 7am. How strange is this? I've been trying to train myself to get more sleep. Bernie kept harping on me to get to bed earlier - Now I sleep too much - but that one day felt great when I only get a few hours in.

Don't get me wrong, I feel VERY rested after staying in bed for 10 hours. Its weird. Like, I CANNOT get out of bed. I keep falling back into REM sleep and having short vivid dreams, which leave me irritable. I had a sleep study done a few months ago and I'm fine in that area.

I've been struggling with this because I felt guilty. Bernie is getting up and driving John to school and making sure Genevieve is ready to go on time (I think. Genevieve might be on her own). Now I'm thinking I'm not acting like the June Cleaver Mom I always was, but is anyone suffering? No. Its probably good for them to bond more with their father. Bernie has to get up to go to work anyway. Plus, he LIKES getting up early. He gets up early on the weekends too.

So here is what I'm thinking. I'm lucky. Lucky, Lucky, Lucky! Lucky I now have the luxury of sleep. Its nice and quiet. No one is suffering and I feel way more relaxed.
Why am I guilt-tripping over this? I spent so much energy worrying and feeling guilty. Guilt is a useless emotion.

I'm on top of everything - there is food in the house and everyone has clean clothes. I work everyday (luckily or maybe not so luckily from home making my own hours). I have nothing to complain about.

Katie is mad at me because we won't hand her money to go hang out with her friends (she needs to get a job). But that's not my problem. I've been helping her and giving her advice. She didn't want to go to college, so she has to do something with her time other than "hang-out" and drive her friends all over creation. Gas is expensive! Get a job, kid.

Anyway, I am giving myself permission to stop feeling guilty for having a nice, relaxing life full of possibilities and resources at my fingertips. I'll figure it out.

The seasons are changing and that is never a good time for me. I love autumn but something about nature dying (bernie helped me a lot with this notion, he says nature is preparing for rebirth) depresses me. I am becoming aware of this seasonal affect.

Just deal with it! Why do I put so much pressure on myself for no reason? Good question and the answer is, I'm not going to do it.