Funk-a-delic

I have bipolar disorder. Yeah, yeah. I'm glad I know what's wrong with me after all these years. I've been on medication for 5 years or so, but I still have the manic and depressive states.

Mostly my manic periods are fun. I feel overwhelmingly passionate, creative and energetic. The bad part is the feeling of invincibility, grandiosity, anger and sleeplessness. I usually start planning big projects only to realize when I come down that I can't possibly complete them.

Anyway, I crashed after my party. I was coming down a few days before. Thankfully Bernie, my parents, brother and my kids were around to help me. After it was over I crashed. I slept the entire next day and night after my overnight guests left. I didn't answer the phone or leave the house for a few days. I couldn't get out of bed the next day and thankfully the third day no one was home so I didn't have to do anything. Yesterday was the worst. I cried all day long for no reason. Its not as bad anymore because I am aware of what is going on and I just go with it. I ask for help if I need it. It totally sucks.

So, this morning I felt better. I kinda know why I crashed so hard. I haven't been eating right for a week or so. I've been on a very healthy diet for the past 10 weeks...I lost 18 lbs. I was swimming everyday, doing everything right. Then I got myself overwhelmed and put myself on the back-burner.

Thankfully, I realize whats going on and this morning took by brain by the horns.
Back on the diet and went to the gym. My muscles have been deteriorating since my operation last year. I've not been taking good physical care of myself.

I'm not going to turn into a flabby lump of a woman. No friggin' way! I'm on the way to good health and I'm going to get back to where I was. No sitting around feeling sorry for myself. You see people all the time who lose limbs and go on to run marathons. If they can do it, why can't I? All it takes is determination and keeping my eye on the prize. Of course, I don't need to run a marathon, but I can get myself as healthy as possible.

I'd shutter to think of allowing myself to become a person that self-inflicts diseases. Smoking, obesity, lack of exercise all lead to poor health. I refuse to be a person that needs to take a bunch of pills to be healthy. Its all out there in the foods we eat. Good health! My moods are so much better when I am on the right track.

I can't do anything about the chemicals or lack there of in my brain, but I've been blessed with good health (not great knees, but whatever)its all up to me!