"If I am not for myself, who am I? And if I am only for myself, then what am I?"
I found this quote on TherapyDocs, from a "great man" (she used the yiddish or is it Hebrew? word for it.)
Sometimes I really wish I was raised Jewish. If not for anything else, the Yiddish phrases. One of my colleages is a "nice Jewish boy" aka lovable mensch. He likes to tease me by inserting Yiddish words to describe my foibles. It makes me smile everytime.
Anyway. I'm talking with my therapist yesterday about why this review thing is eating away at me...I know why, the failure factor, self-esteem issues...again.
So we came up with a plan. I need to keep my emotions under control when I am faced with a problem that gets me really steamed. We're looking at things this way:
Passive - Assertive - Aggressive
My goal is to be assertive without being aggressive. Get my point across using facts and not "going there" with the drama. I'm so used to being over-the-top with work especially. I like to be positive and upbeat. Friendly, talkative. But sometimes this same emotion turns on me. I become negative and self-rightous. I need to find the happy middle if I am going to handle this situation correctly.
Bernie would prefer I deal with things passively. That's his way...of least resistance. He's a Buddist.The Buddhist perspective considers self-esteem a useless illusion. Easy for him to say! He's perfect! Maybe thats why?
Well, I've made plans to take the second step up the hierarchial ladder -
The thing is, I could be passive and let it go, but I need to see this through for my own sense of self-worth. I don't deny making a mistake - but to magnify this mistake to such a proportion is outrageous. I need to be sure I took all the steps necessary to get my point across to effect a change.
Ultimately I may need a chocolate milkshake with a friend, but I hope things don't have to go that far.
3 comments:
I'm like that too. My greatest strength at work (my ability to stay on top of things) is also my greatest downfall (I am a control freak)...So, being assertive without being aggressive is a decent goal. But, I don't know that I have that in me.
i'd feel the same way, Ang. extra chocolate, please.
some people let power go to their heads. it would be great if the review would be the time to help identify these people and weed em out since they make life miserable. Life is difficult enough without added criticism. I think the BEST way to do yearly evals is to allow employees to evaluate themselves and then have a little conference to discuss personal performance, recognize strengths and encourage growth in weaker areas. Keep it brief and positive. Problems should be dealt with on an episodic and individual basis. Use the eval as an opportunity for the manager to build up the employee in the interest of retention and improved performance.
It's not as hard as it looks. You stick with just the facts, no emotion. As if it were the most natural thing in the world. Like people do when they tuck in that tag at the back of the shirt.
Hey, did you know your tag is showing?
Not mean, not passive, just right.
It's actually a Hebrew phrase, and a good one.
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