So what are you so mad about?

Its one of those, what's wrong with me moments.
I have them a lot actually.
After years of therapy, medication and self-help
I wonder how long this will go on?

I look back on my life and there isn't one thing there that wasn't my choice.
I can make all the excuses in the world, blaming my parents is huge.
But come on, I'm 46 years old.

I freely admit to a chemical imbalance. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be medicated before I went off the deep end.
When I think of my best, most successful and worst, self-sabotaging moments...they occurred without the presence of medication.

So now, I quit cymbalta. I'm still taking a mood-stablizer and a Mother's little helper when things get too overwhelming.
I'm starting to wonder if (and this is scary. this is the point where things seem really good and together and I start to think I am okay)I need to take medication at all.

Don't we ALL have ups and downs? I think after all these dang years I can learn to handle them. I go to my therapist every week and spew. Then I tell myself the answers...pay her and go home.
Last week, I was really fried - waaaay too much whack shit going on with my daughters, kids being sick, my sinister mother-in-law, crazy problems with leaky pipes...whatever.
Its all life, right? I have luxury problems. Nobody is dying, we're employed, we have a big house and a bunch of cars, a dog, a cat. Laughter, love...the whole nine.

One great thing - the creativity comes back. All the ideas, dreams. Emotions. Ups and Downs. Yeah, its nice to feel things, to feel alive again.

So whats wrong with this? Nothing. Stop. I'm over the rainbow.

The answer is simple.