Ugh. I feel like crap and I don't care who knows it. Something is going on with me and I can't figure it out just yet. I hate these moods and the physical horror that goes along with it. Sweating. I can't stop sweating. Profusely. Empty. Trapped. Trapped by weird physical outbursts. Seriously, I am drenched and it won't stop.
I can't stop crying. I'm crying over everything. Stuff I would have not given a second thought to, I'm crying over. I'm crying right now, writing about crying.
I'm going to end up dehydrated if I don't stop crying and sweating. Sheesh. I take enough mood stabilizers to choke a horse. You'd like I'd be more stable -- in my stable.
I had a few commitments I needed to attend to this morning but had to cancel due to lack of babysitting for Genevieve. Yesterday I was able to get her over to a friend's house so I could do what I needed to do for John. Genevieve doesn't travel well. She gets car sick and very squirrely.
This morning I had to blow off a breakfast date, a meeting I promised to met someone at, and a speaking commitment. No one is around for babysitting. I have to make adjustments without Bernie around to help out. No one wants to re-arrange their lives for me.
I hate this because now I feel like an ass because I didn't call the person ahead of time about the meeting. I did beg off the breakfast last night, but thought I could make the meeting. ugh. I feel like a louse. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and apologize. Sweating.
This lifestyle wasn't meant to be lived alone. The kids have too many toys and activities. I need help with the stuff Bernie takes care of. I mean, hes gone for two months. I can't take care of myself without help with Genevieve.
I'm afraid to sleep at night since Bernie lost his wallet and some freak assumed his identity. They know where we live, damn it! I can't sleep. No sleep means no good quality of life. My work is suffering, my recovery is suffering. Im afraid to take a sleeping pill, what if someone is in trouble in the night or someone breaks in?
I wish I had another adult living here. Maybe I should ask my brother to move in for a while.
All I know is that I feel like shit. Time to pray.
("The Crying Woman" courtesy of Reena Pal, Casa Grande High School)
1 comment:
Aw, Angiebaby. That's rough. Sweating and crying. And sweating.
Crying can drain you, but it sounds like you just need some rest and hydration and maybe a change in meds. I would call your doctor and get an appt. Check out the side effects of your meds online. Could be a drug interaction.
Take it easy. I would have the kids take a break from all that activity. You certainly have enough stuff they can do at home. Especially with Bernie away now. Don't feel guilty about it either. And you have to sleep. Try the sleepy time tea. As far as the thing with the guy who stole Bernie's wallay, it's unlikely he is going to want to risk getting caught, bit and butt kicked. He probably dumped everything but the cards, anyway Ang. Take some sleepy time tea, Ang. It will help you to relax. Also, if you put on some nice soft music and a/c. Maybe a fan in the room. I love worship music and find it comforting when I'm feeling sick, scared, and insecure. Even just instrumental music is comforting. I would talk to your doctor about getting you off some of those pills. Drink water and eat fresh vegetables. PS. Avoid sugar or flour. Gluten makes you feel like cwap. Constipating too. Fiber and be sure to get replacement potassium in your diet. Prunes, Ang. And scrabble. One day, when you are not feeling so sweaty and tired, we'll go out for lunch and shopping or whatever.
You aren't using those Glade plug-ins or air fresheners are you? If so I would get rid of them. Some of those products have high levels of a certain chemical which was found to bind with Ozone and create formaldehyde in the air. Breathing formaldehyde leads to depression, headaches, forgetfulness, hormonal imbalances and other problems. Just a heads up.
Rest and trust in God. Better days are coming! Don't forget your vitamins.
PS. Nice haircut!
Love, the Nanny
Post a Comment