Seems I haven't written in a while. Its been overwhelmingly hectic around here. I went though a manic phase which was cool. I love being manic.
I crashed Wednesday night. Lots of stress with the kids. REAL stress. Cops (stupid stuff, nothing serious)Pot smoking, Skipping school and work. I suppose its general teenager experimentation, but I hope it doesn't get out of control. I actually gave one of my kids a urine test. Geez the kid received 6 traffic tickets in the past month. Something isn't right. She has a month to straighten up or she'll have to turn in her car keys.
Another child pulled a disappearing act and got into a lot of hot water. She's banned from all screens and grounded until further notice.
John had a case of strep throat.
Bernie has been away for the past 2 weeks.
So, I suppose the emotional stress forced me to crash. I slept all night Monday all day and all night Tuesday. I mean, I couldn't keep my eyes open. This happens to me every once in a while.
I've started working with my therapist again. She's awesome. She treats me with talk therapy and through that...we focus on specific issues and explore them through a very effective therapy called EMDR
Anyone with disturbing memories, anxiety, depression should try this. Its covered by most insurance programs.
I've always had a mysterious barrier that has kept me from reaching my full potential. I've made many mistakes and have sabotaged myself so many times. Through EMDR I'm getting to the root of my blockage.
I've never been able to remember anything about my early childhood. During EMDR yesterday I accessed the root of my insecurity and self-esteem issues. Its nothing horrible like molestation or physical abuse - but emotional abuse. I think many people experience this, but to me it put me on the path of total self-destruction.
Anyway, after accessing these memories - the confusion and blockage from my childhood seemed to clear. The fog of "I don't know what's wrong with me - why do I keep screwing up - why can't I accept good things in my life?" was lifted. Its awesome.
As a veteran of all kinds of therapy, this seems to be the most effective. Music therapy is a close second.
5 comments:
You deserve all things wonderful!
I have been depressed all week and then I read your blog and told myself that JAYSUS...my life was pretty uneventful in general....
Thanks, Bloppie!
I love you.
ha..maria. your sarcasm.
as far as depression goes:
identify, don't compare.
Its all relevant. From the outside looking in, trust me, I have NOTHING to be depressed about.
Even this stuff with the kids, I know I'm doing the right thing by them.
Can I really expect daughters of mine NOT to experiment and stretch boundries? Nope. But, I know exactly what they are up to (been there, done that)and I'm reeling them back in.
Take away the car keys FIRST.
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